


Whenever You Need Me

by buriednurbckyrd



Series: Curves & Edges [3]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Accidents, Broken Bones, Bucky gets triggered, Bucky needs a hug, F/M, Fluff, Hospitals, Reader-Insert, bucky gets hurt, plus sized reader, reader to the rescue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-12
Updated: 2017-11-02
Packaged: 2018-12-26 20:03:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12066000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buriednurbckyrd/pseuds/buriednurbckyrd
Summary: You're speaking to high school students at a career convention when an accident happens.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry this installment took so long! This is now a series starring Bucky and a plus sized reader, and I'm tentatively planning on two more chapters for this story; as well as more fics. Thank you for reading!

Convention centers always seemed to be universally freezing, the air conditioning going full blast to compensate for the hundreds of bodies milling about. Y/N shivered in her cardigan while she picked at the complimentary lunch that had been provided. Tony Stark sat across from her, his own food left untouched while he scrolled through his phone. 

“That macaroni salad isn't going to suddenly become less disgusting, no matter how many times you poke it with your fork.” He told her. She looked up at him and set the utensil down, shoving the Styrofoam container away. 

“I'm still not sure I'm the best person for this, T.” 

“How so?” He flicked his eyes up at her, fingers pausing mid text. “It's an open discussion with teenaged girls about women working in fields of science and technology. Last I checked you were a woman working in the fields of science and technology, unless that has somehow changed in the last four hours?” When she didn't reply he continued typing out his message while she looked around at the numerous high school students wandering around. 

When she had first heard about the plan to hold a sort of job fair for the kids in the city, she thought it was a wonderful idea. The students could listen to people working in various occupations speak about their experiences on the job and what inspired them to go into their line of work. Tony had been personally invited to speak, not only on his own, but also to participate in several panels throughout the day. Y/N was pulled in when she had been looking over the list of speakers and made an offhanded remark that there were very few women scheduled to speak, and none of them worked in scientific fields. Before she knew what was happening, Tony was making some calls to the people in charge and she was volunteered to have a sit down with girls with an interest in scientific careers. 

“Who actually wants to hear what I have to say, though?” She said quietly. “There are some seriously big names here today.”

“Doesn't matter how big the name is if someone has no interest in the occupation.” Tony replied, still typing away on his phone. Y/N heard her own chirp at her from her bag and reached in to see who was calling. 

“Bucky?” She said, answering. 

“Hey, Doll.” She couldn't help the wide smile that broke out across her face at the nickname. 

“What's up, is everything all right?” 

“I'm fine, but a little birdie tells me you're kinda nervous about talking with the students.” Y/N looked over at Tony.

“Would this happen to be a little iron birdie with a giant beak attached to an even bigger head?” The man on the phone chuckled while the one sitting across from her grinned and blew her a kiss.

“Don't be too hard on the guy, darlin', he just thought you could use a friendly voice. But why are you nervous? You're just gonna talk about your work, and you love your work.” She glanced over at Tony, unsure if she was willing to let him hear about her insecurities. 

“It's just…” She trailed off and sighed. “I guess it just reminds me of giving presentations in high school, and then I think about how much I hated high school and I know I should be over all of it because it's in the past and I'm definitely a very different person than I was back then-” 

“Shh, breathe for me darlin'.” Bucky soothed and she paused to take a deep breath. “These young women signed up to hear what you have to say. Remember that, and how far you've come since school. And if nothing else, pretend you're talkin' to me. You tell me about your work all the time, and these girls might actually understand some of it!” Y/N laughed. She could feel her heart rate slowing down, Bucky calming her nerves. 

“I love you. Thank you.”

“I love you too, and you're welcome.”

“What did you decide to do today?” She asked. 

“Me and Steve are taking Sam to this deli we used to go to when we were kids. The guy that owned it back then is obviously long gone, but his great-granddaughter and her husband run it now. It's still the food we remember, though.” She could hear the smile in his voice. So much had changed in the world, and she knew it meant a lot to Steve and Bucky when something could give them the feeling of the life they missed. 

“You'll have to take me some time, I hope you three have fun. I do need to let you go, though. I should start looking for the room I'm meeting with the students in.”

“All right, Doll. I can't wait to hear all about it, love you.” She blushed and smiled. 

“I love you, too.” Tony made a gagging sound which she ignored. “I'll give you a call afterward.” She ended the call and put her phone on silent. She intended to give the students her full attention. “Okay, we both need to get going. I know you think you're allowed to be fashionably late, but it's rude.” 

“The public expects me to make an entrance, sweetheart,” the billionaire said with a wide grin. “It's just giving the people what they want.” Y/N rolled her eyes. 

“The people want you to show up on time. Get marching, Stark.” He heaved an exaggerated sigh and stood, slipping his phone into his pocket. 

“I'm going, I'm going...” Y/N snorted as he dragged his feet walking away, sparing a few moments to watch Tony's dramatics before throwing her bag over her shoulder and taking her own leave. 

…

She stared at the door for a good ten seconds before taking a deep breath and walking into the room. Fifteen faces turned to look at her and her heartbeat picked up speed. 

“Um, hi-hello. I'm Y/N Y/L/N.” She said, feeling foolish and awkward. Every girl had notebooks and pens at the ready. It had never occurred to her that they would want to take notes. She dropped her bag next to her on the floor and took a seat at the end of the long conference table. A few of the students picked up their pens, waiting for her to begin. “I'll be honest with you all, I'm not really sure how to begin. Maybe we could, uh, go around the room and you can all introduce yourselves?” Y/N could feel the embarrassment form a lump in her throat and tried to conjure Bucky's reassuring words in her mind. “Sorry, I'm kind of nervous.” She smiled at them all, and felt relieved when most of them smiled back. “So yeah, why don't you introduce yourselves and share what fields of study you're interested in.” 

It went a lot smoother from there. A few of the students were interested in medical research, a few looking to go to school for engineering, and a handful were on track to study biology. The rest knew they wanted to pursue education and careers in science, but were unsure of the field. 

“It's fine not to know exactly what you want to do right now,” she assured them all. “There are plenty of core classes you can begin taking before you choose the direction you want to take, and it may be beneficial to try a few different subjects. The best part of a career in science is you never stop learning! My official title is Chief Technical Analyst, which is a fancy way of saying I dig through hard drives and figure out how mystery gadgets work.” A few of the girls giggled. “But I'm incredibly fortunate that I get to work along side some of the most brilliant minds in science. Since I began working with Dr. Banner-”

“Wait, you work with _The Hulk_?” One of the students interrupted. 

“Well, I guess? But as I was saying-”

“Does that mean you know Tony Stark?” Another girl squealed. “I _thought_ I saw you with him earlier! What's he like?” 

“You're like, an Avenger! That is so cool!” Y/N frowned and shook her head. 

“I'm not an Avenger. I don't fight crime, I just analyze the evidence they bring me. It really isn't as exciting as the media would lead you to believe, it's a lot of paper work.”

“Have you ever seen a dead body?” 

“Do you know how to shoot a gun?”

“Is Captain America that cute in person?” Y/N held up her hands and the excited chatter died down. 

“Look, my work is the behind the scenes science stuff. But as I was trying to say before, I am lucky to have the freedom to dip my toes into other areas. Most recently, neurobiology. If you take anything away from this, I hope you remember that you aren't locked down into any one thing. You're going to discover that everything is connected in science.” Fifteen pairs of eyes were glued to her, but she knew she had lost them to the curiosity about her famous friends. She sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Yes, I know how to shoot a gun.” The girls erupted into more questions. 

…

Even after they were miles off topic, Y/N still tried her best to get the girls back on track. Just when she thought they might be ready to talk more about education and careers, Tony waltzed into the room stunning every one of them into awed silence. Y/N scowled at him, knowing that there would be no chance of reining them in. 

“Sorry to barge in, ladies,” he said smoothly. “But I need to steal this brilliant woman away from you early.” A few girls giggled. “Ms Y/L/N? May I speak with you outside?” 

“Absolutely, Mr. Stark.” She replied, trying to mask her annoyance. She looked at the students. “I'm sorry we had to cut this short, but I hope it helped you anyway.” The statement was only a courtesy. She had lost control of the meeting and she doubted they would take anything away from it. While the girls muttered amongst themselves she gathered up her bag and followed Tony out of the room. “What the hell, T?” She hissed as soon as the door closed behind him. She opened her mouth again to scold him when he turned around. The worry on his face silenced her in a moment. 

“I'm really sorry, sweetheart, but it's an emergency.” Dread flooded her stomach. 

“What happened?” 

“Bucky was in an accident.” 

“What?!” She cried. Tony took her arm and started to lead her quickly, yet gently towards the nearest exit. “I don't understand, they were just going to have lunch! How was he in an accident?” She blindly fished for her phone, pulling it out and seeing the missed calls from Steve and Sam. 

“They did go to lunch, it happened when they were walking back to the tower.” He paused when the got outside and called his driver. “It was the most cliched thing,” he began again after they got into the car. “Some guy lost control of his car and almost ran over a woman out walking with her kid. Barnes pushed them out of the way and, well...” He trailed off. Y/N just stared out the window, watching the city speed by, guilt eating up her insides. They had been trying to get a hold of her for almost an hour. 

…

She didn't wait for Tony to get out with her at the hospital. When the car slowed down to nearly a stop she threw open the door and ran. Sam was pacing just inside the hospital. 

“Where is he? What's going on?” She demanded as soon as she saw him. 

“Slow down, baby girl, take a breath.” He put his arm around her shoulders and started over to the elevators. “Barnes is gonna be fine, okay? I promise you it isn't as bad as you're imagining.” Y/N went weak with relief. 

“You- Steve- you both called me so many times.” Sam pushed the button for the correct floor and the doors slid shut. 

“I know, and I know how that must have looked.” He looked uncomfortable. “It's his arm, Y/N. His _right_ arm. It's definitely broken.” The gravity of Sam's words sunk in. 

“Oh god, he's got to be losing it.” 

“He's losing it on a level I've never seen before, and I've seen people lose it more times that I can count. Steve has been trying to get him calmed down, but he's refusing to let anyone come near him.” The elevator came to a stop and as soon as they stepped out she could hear him shouting. Several nurses and at least one doctor were huddled in the hallway looking traumatized. It wasn't difficult to figure out which room Bucky and Steve were in. Pushing aside all of her unease, determined to be strong for the man she loved, she reached for the door knob. A hand shot out and gripped her wrist. 

“I'm not sure you want to do that. The Captain told everyone to stay out here until he calms down.” The nurse told her. Y/N shook her head and offered a watery smile. 

“You don't have to worry about me.” She replied gently and walked into the room.

Neither man noticed her come in. Steve was standing with his back to her, his hands up and his stance reminding her of someone faced with a dangerous or skittish animal. Bucky's eyes were screwed shut, sweat beading on his forehead. He held his right arm across his stomach, both shoulders hunched over in pain. His entire body trembled like it did when he had a particularly bad nightmare. 

“ _ **Don't touch me!**_ ” He screamed at Steve, who took a step backwards into Y/N.

“Y/N?” He looked relieved to see her, and Bucky's head snapped to attention when he heard her name. He just watched her with wide terrified eyes, shaking like a leaf. “I'm sorry we had to call you away from the students.” Steve said, looking apologetic. 

“No, I'm sorry I wasn't here sooner.” She did her best to keep her voice calm and steady. “What happened?” 

“This car came out of no where, nearly clipped someone on a bike. There was a woman crossing the street with her daughter and they just froze. Bucky just ran over without thinking, pushed them out of the way and took the hit.” Y/N nodded and took a few steps towards the bed. Bucky recoiled and she stopped. 

“The man driving the car?” She asked.

“He had a massive heart attack at the wheel,” Steve croaked out. “DOA.” Y/N crept closer to Bucky and reached out a hand.

“James?” He looked up at her, still clutching his arm. She could tell it was broken just looking at it. 

“Don't let them take it. Please, don't take it.” He choked out. His voice was much quieter now, fear overtaking aggression. 

“Your arm is just broken, darling. They only need to set it and wrap it in a cast so it can heal.” She said gently, stepping closer and reaching her hand out to stroke his cheek. Bucky leaned into her touch and let out a long shaky sigh. “I'll stay with you the whole time, I promise.” Her heart broke to see this brave, strong, selfless man so afraid. One of his most reoccurring nightmares was him reliving the removal of his left arm. “Does anything else hurt?” She asked. She looked over her shoulder at Steve who shook his head the silent question. The broken arm was the only injury that needed attention. 

“I'm sorry you had to come down here.” Bucky mumbled. Y/N smiled and kissed his forehead. 

“Just hush now, I would have been here sooner but my phone was on silent. I'll always be here if you need me.” He finally looked up at her, his expression miserable. Still holding his injured arm against his body, he slipped his metal limb around her soft waist and pulled her closer. Y/N angled her body so she didn't bump his bad arm. 

“Can the doctor come in now and look at you? I promise I won't leave and I won't let them do anything without your permission.” Bucky was silent but eventually gave a short nod. “All right Steve, you can let them in.”

True to her word, Y/N stayed glued to Bucky's side. There was a tense moment when they told them X-rays were needed and she wouldn't be allowed in the room with him, but she calmed him down and stood on the other side of the door and talked to him the entire time. After another few hours they could finally leave the hospital. Bucky's right arm in a cast and sling. He was quiet and withdrawn on the ride back to the tower. Steve attempted to make conversation a few times, but Bucky only stared down at his lap. Sam kept any jokes or smart remarks to himself, which Y/N deeply appreciated. 

Once they were home Bucky took off for the elevator, muttering that he was going to bed. Y/N turned to Steve and Sam with a tired smile.

“Thank you for getting him to the hospital. I know he probably fought the two of you on it.” Sam pulled her into a hug.

“Tooth and nail. We finally had to invoke your name.” She let out a feeble laugh. “Go take care of him, cupcake. Make sure the two of you get some sleep, and if you need any thing at all just give a holler.” Steve hugged her after she pulled away from Sam and kissed the top of her head. 

“I'm glad he has you,” he told her softly. “And like Sam said, if you or Bucky need anything just alert FRIDAY.” 

Up in hers and Bucky's shared rooms she found him curled into the smallest form he could manage on their bed. She saw his shoulders tense when she climbed in next to him. Knowing him as well as she did, she didn't try and talk to him. Instead she cuddled against him and gently scratched her nails up and down his back just the way he loved. They lay there quietly for a time and Y/N could feel him relax. After a while Bucky shifted and rolled onto his back. 

“Hey, you.” Y/N murmured. He turned his face towards her. 

“I'm sorry, Doll.”

“You don't need to apologize.” She reassured him. 

“I just-I couldn't-” 

“Shh… It's okay. You're okay and you're going to heal.” She smoothed his hair back off his face. “You saved those people, and they will never forget that. No one else could have taken that hit and walked away from it. I wish you hadn't been hurt in the process, but your accelerated healing will have you back to fighting shape in no time.” He made a small noise in response and then stared up at the ceiling. 

“I just kept thinking, what if I lose this arm too?” His voice cracked and he swallowed hard. “What if I never got to touch you again?” 

“Oh, Bucky.” Her heart felt so heavy.

“I love you, Y/N. You deserve someone that isn't so broken.”

“I love _you_ , James. I don't need some great on paper guy, I need you. Your edges fit just perfect with my curves.” His lips quirked up slightly.

“Your curves are perfect.” He frowned. “If it weren't for this stupid cast...” She giggled and kissed his cheek. 

“The doctor said it could come off in as soon as three weeks, thanks to your super soldier bod.” He turned his head and leaned in for a kiss, groaning against her lips.

“It's gonna be a long three weeks...”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ANGST. But also fluff. I'm a sucker for fluff.

He felt awful. The pain in his arm had died down to a manageable level over the week and a half since his accident but the nightmares came every single night. Bucky hadn't had them on a nightly basis in a long time but now he relived the amputation of his left arm whenever he fell asleep. His nerve endings screamed in phantom pain as his mind conjured the coppery smell of blood and the sounds of crude surgical tools tearing and ripping through bone and flesh. 

The ending was new, however. 

Bucky would awake in his dream and stand, feeling off balanced and strange. He would stumble over to a filthy bathroom and find his reflection in a mirror. The familiar sight of his metal arm would greet him and then his eyes would zoom in on the stump of his right arm, the rest of it gone from the elbow down. 

Then he would scream himself awake.

In his mind, it all wasn't so bad. He was used to nightmares, right? And deep down he felt like he deserved them. What he couldn't stand was the toll the sleepless nights were taking on Y/N. No matter what he said every night she was there next to him, ready to soothe him. He asked Natasha and Steve to try and talk her into leaving him alone during the night until his arm was healed and the cast could come off; positive once he regained full use of his other limb the terrors would end. She would hear none of it. So fourteen days after the accident he watched her roll out of their shared bed and trudge into the bathroom to shower. 

“Why don't you just take some time off? Or even just today?” Bucky called out. She stuck her head out the door.

“Did you want to do something? I have a few emails I need to send and a little bit of paper work I really need to get done, but I could finish that up in two, two and a half hours tops.” He frowned and shook his head. 

“No, I want you to get some rest. You're up because of me half the night and then work like you aren't running on fumes.” Y/N picked up her toothbrush and squeezed out some paste on the bristles. 

“I'm not 'up half the night because of you'. I wake up when you have a nightmare and need to be comforted.” She replied matter-of-factually and began to brush her teeth. 

“You make it sound like I'm a child.” He grumbled. She spat in the sink and looked over her shoulder at him. 

“I didn't mean it to sound that way, I apologize.” Bucky watched her finish cleaning her teeth, his mood growing darker. The lack of sleep was beginning to catch up to him too, even if he was stubbornly refusing to admit that to himself. 

“Would you just stop being so damn business as usual?! Why can't you just admit you're exhausted?” He burst out. 

“Hey! I don't know what crawled up your ass this morning, but I'm just trying to keep things going as normal as possible!” She retorted. “Maybe I am tired! But that's my issue, okay? If I think I need to take a day off, I will! It's sweet that you're concerned about me, and I appreciate the sentiment, but you need to stop trying to take care of me by being sneaky.” 

“What the hell are you talking about?” Bucky threw himself out of bed to grab a tee shirt, pulling it over his head. 

“I told you days ago that I didn't want to leave you alone at night. And, in case you haven't noticed, you've been able to calm down a lot faster the last few nights. But what I'm talking about is you not accepting the fact that I love you too much to leave you alone to your night terrors and asking our best friends to try and convince me to!”

“You wouldn't listen to me! I thought you'd stop being so pigheaded and see sense if someone else brought it up! I'm not a fucking child, Y/N I can handle some bad dreams on my own.” They faced off, Bucky trying to ignore the dull throb of his stiff shoulder and Y/N still holding on to her toothbrush. 

“You know what?” Y/N laughed bitterly and walked over to the dresser to pick up her phone. “I think I will take the day off.” She fired off a text. “I think I'll stop being _pigheaded_ , and take the night off.” She tossed the phone onto the bed and began pulling some clothes out of the drawers. 

“What are you doing?” He watched her throw things into a bag and his heart sank. 

“Seeing sense. I'm tired and I'm going to get some rest. I mean, you seem to know what's best for me so why not finally just give you what you seem to want?”

“Why are you throwing my words back at me?” She stopped for a moment and took a deep breath before meeting his eyes. 

“I guess I just came to the conclusion that you're the only one that can win an argument against you. I don't want to fight with you. The only thing I've been trying to do these past two weeks is help you deal with this demon that's got a hold of you. I know that I can't possibly understand the trauma that you've gone through, that you keep reliving every night. Maybe I can't help you with this, and I guess I have to accept that.” She looked so sad, and it cut him deeper than any of his recent nightmares.

“Doll...” She shook her head and picked up her bag. 

“I love you, Bucky. I feel like a monster walking away from you while you're hurting, but I don't know what else to do. So I'm going to leave.” All the color drained from Bucky's face and she rushed to him, laying a gentle hand on his chest. “I'm not _leaving you_.” She assured him. 

“Why can't you just understand what I'm trying to say?” He asked, a desperate edge to his voice. 

“Because you don't seem to know what you're trying to say. I can't keep having this argument over and over again. Your body is healing remarkably fast and I know you're sure that once that cast is off everything will be back to normal and the nightmares will stop, and for your sake I hope you're right.” She turned and walked away, picking up her phone and keys, and paused at the door. “I love you, Bucky. Let me know when you're ready for me to come home.” 

And then she left.

…

Natasha was passive aggressive towards him the entire day. She wouldn't come out and say anything directly, but her cool attitude spoke volumes. Steve tip toed around him like he wasn't sure if Bucky would start taking his foul mood out on every one or not. He stalked around the tower muttering under his breath. 

“Hey, you wanna grab some lunch?” Steve asked, approaching him like Bucky was a land mine. 

“Not hungry.” He growled. 

“Maybe you should call Y/N...” Steve started to suggest, but Bucky was up and stomping away before he could finish his sentence. “Hey! Fine, forget I said anything about her, but at least talk to me!” Steve jogged to catch up to his long strides. 

“Just because we're a couple doesn't mean I have to run to her for every damn thing.” 

“Um, I don't think that's what I said.” Buck stopped walking and kicked at the wall. 

“I can take care of myself.”

“No one's suggesting otherwise.” 

“Well every one seems to think that I need her to take care of me.” 

“Isn't that kind of a couple thing though?” Steve wondered. “You take care of each other?” Bucky only grumbled in response and walked away.

That night was the worst so far. Without Y/N's soft body to cuddle up to, it took a long time of fall asleep. He tossed and turned in the empty bed, kicking most of the blankets off. When he finally managed to fall asleep, the terrors were even more frightening. In this version, Y/N was chained to the wall, watching them butcher him. She was screaming and pleading with them, begging for them to stop. Bucky tried to call out to her, but his voice was gone. The faceless blurs that surrounded him cut into all of his limbs, not just his arms. Y/N sobbed his name, struggling against her bonds. He could see the metal bite into her flesh, blood running down her arms. The rest of the dream faded into the background. Her tear stained face filled his vision. A shadow moved in front of her and he heard her agonized screams, though he could not see what was being done. When the sounds turned to the wet, gurgling sounds of the dying he lurched awake, heart pounding and cold sweat beading all over his skin. 

“Y/N...” He whispered into the dark room.

…

Her night wasn't going much better. Tony had given her one of his black cards and sent her to one of the fanciest hotels in the city. Even though he told her to take advantage of unlimited funds and pamper herself, she couldn't bring herself to do much of anything. She still felt guilty for leaving. Natasha told her she had every right to take some time away, telling her the arguing would lead to no solutions. When Steve called her she was sure he would yell at her for upsetting Bucky, but he only wanted to make sure she was okay. He agreed that a little bit of space was probably a good idea, that perhaps Bucky needed to spend a little time alone to figure out what he needed. He also told her that she was what he needed and his best friend was the biggest jack ass in the world to keep trying to push her away when he needed her the most. 

His words were little comfort, but it did soothe a little bit of the ache in her chest. Unsure of what to do for the day, and finally deciding that all of Tony's suggestions; going to a spa for the works, getting her hair done, etc… Involved to much contact with people, she ducked into a book store to pick up a few choices and went back to the hotel room to order some room service and spend the day reading. When she finally came to the conclusion that she just couldn't keep her attention on any of the books she bought she turned on the television and zoned out to cheesy made for TV movies. 

There were several times that she picked up her phone to call Bucky. Her thumb hovered over the call button but she reminded herself that he had made it clear he wanted some space. She finally turned it off and stuck it in a dresser drawer. She would turn it back on in the morning. It was late and it seemed unlikely to her that he would call her at this point. So, she indulged in a hot bath using some of the pricey bath oil the hotel provided in the room and attempted to go to bed. 

It didn't feel like her eyes had been closed for more than five minutes when a knock on her door woke her up. Y/N sat up, momentarily confused until she remembered she was in a hotel. A quick glance at the clock beside the bed told her she had managed to sleep for at least three and a half hours. The knocking repeated and she got out of bed and pulled on her robe before padding over to the door. Unsure of who the visitor could be, she stood on her tip toes to look through the peep hole. She didn't hesitate to open the door when she saw who it was.

“Bucky? What are you doing here?” He looked very disheveled. Black sweats hung low on his hips and she could tell he hadn't put a shirt on under his zip up hoodie. 

“I tried to call you.” He said quietly, looking down at his feet. 

“Oh, shit… I turned my phone off because I kept almost calling you.” Y/N groaned and pushed her messy hair away from her face. “It was late, I didn't think I would hear from you until at least tomorrow morning.” 

“I'm sorry.” He murmured. “I should have just toughed it out. Natasha certainly said as much when I woke her up to ask where you were.” Y/N sighed and let her head fall against the door. 

“Well, Natasha was wrong about that.”

“Telling me where you were?” He met her eyes, looking scared.

“No!” She grabbed his left arm and pulled him into her room. “Making you feel like you tough anything out on your own!” 

“Aren't you angry at me? Why would you let me in here at all?” He asked her. 

“Bucky, I'm frustrated, not angry. I let you in here because I love you and if you risked waking up Natasha and dealing with her wrath to find me then you obviously need me, or want to be here.” She stifled a yawn and sat down on the edge of the bed. Bucky sighed and started to pace. 

“I do need you. This night was the worst yet, Doll.” He held up his hand when she began to speak. “No, don't. Not yet. I know you're going to say that you're sorry, and I can't let you do it. I pushed you away. I told you to leave. I tried to get our friends to get you to leave when you didn't.” Y/N remained silent but patted the mattress beside her, inviting him to sit beside her. “And then I picked a fight with you this morning.” He sat next to her. “I'm not used to needing any one, Y/N. I was taught that a guy takes care of his gal. That was just how it was back then. And yeah, I know it's a different time and we're equals, I truly believe that we are… But it's also… It's the other stuff. All the stuff after I fell off that train.” He shuddered. “I couldn't show any sign of weakness. If I hurt, I dealt with it. The pain was part of life.” She cupped her hand around his cheek and gently pulled his face towards her. 

“You don't have to suffer like that any more,” she reminded him. “You won't be punished for hurting.” He rested his forehead against hers. 

“I know. The nightmares-” he swallowed hard. “The nightmares just wouldn't let go when I was awake. I didn't want you to get sucked into the misery too. But Steve said something earlier and it finally got through my thick skull.” Y/N smiled. “Part of being a couple is taking care of each other.” 

“Yes it is. And needing me to help you, or take care of you doesn't mean you're weak.” 

“I love you so much.” Y/N kissed him softly and took his plaster covered hand into hers. Bucky had flinched away any other time she attempted to touch his injured arm, but now he let her. The cast was bulky, but his fingers bare. She lifted his hand up to her lips and kissed his fingers, stroking her thumb over his knuckles. 

“I love you, too,” she whispered. “I'll always be here for you. Whenever you need me.” 

“I'm sorry about everything.” 

“I'm just glad you're here.” She kissed him again. “Think you're ready to try and get some more sleep?” Bucky nodded. The two of them climbed under the blankets and Bucky curled around her. Feeling her body against his allowed him to relax and the sound of her breathing lulled him into sleep. 

The two of them slept late into the next morning. Bucky didn't have a single nightmare.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter took so long to come out. I was dealing with a pretty bad flare up of my depression and some family issues for a few weeks.

Three weeks and four days. Bucky felt like the cast would never come off and had tried to saw it off himself twice, but Y/N seemed to have a sixth sense when it came to him and caught him both times. Twenty five long days. His arm itched something fierce. But it was finally ready to come off. He knew he was lucky, the break had been bad. Any other person would have been stuck in the cast for at least double the amount of time, but it didn't stop him from whining about it until the bones were healed and it was ready to ditch the plaster. He was nearly giddy when the doctor told him they were going to remove it, he didn't hear anything the woman said after. Fortunately Y/N was with him and was much more attentive. 

“All right Mr. Barnes, I'll bring the saw in and we'll get this off for you!” He nodded happily and grinned at Y/N. She mirrored his happy expression. The last stretch of his healing time was a lot more pleasant than the initial two weeks. The argument that led to the night in the hotel turned out to be a blessing in disguise. After waking up, they spent the next day talking everything out. Bucky told her about every one of his nightmares. Y/N held him while he went through all the gory details of his time under HYDRA control. There were still gaps in his memory there, and he kept all of his kills she didn't already know about to himself… Some things he just wasn't ready to talk about, but the torture he needed to unload. He hadn't had a single nightmare since. 

“Well _Mr. Barnes_ , you're about to be cast free!” Y/N exclaimed dramatically. “What's the first thing you want to do?” She held her fist towards his face as if it was a microphone. Bucky rolled his eyes and chuckled. 

“The first thing?” He snaked his left arm around her waist and grabbed a handful of her butt. She jumped and gasped. 

“We're in a doctor's office!” She scolded, but he could see her lips curve and her pupils dilate.

“What? I was going to say 'take a normal shower'.” He said slyly. He tugged her closer until his lips brushed her ear. “I wouldn't object if you wanted to join me.” Y/N shivered in his hold. They were closer than ever emotionally, but the physical part of their relationship had been lacking since Bucky's injury. The cast got in the way and frustrated him so there had been lots of cuddling and some heated kisses… but not much more. Before he could say anything else there was a quick knock on the door letting them know the doctor was back to remove the cast. Y/N backed away to let them work, feeling the heat in her face radiated through her entire body. The doctor kept up a stream of chatter while she worked, but Bucky's attention never left Y/N. His gaze traveled down her body hungrily, and when the cast was finally off he flexed his hand and shot her a predatory grin. 

…

The ride home was interesting. Bucky had decided enjoy his freedom by touching her the whole way. He slid his hand up her shirt and cupped her breast, groaning softly when he felt lace. 

“Goddamn, Doll you're wearing my favorite aren't you?” he purred. Y/N bit her lip and nodded her head towards the driver of the town car, silently imploring him to wait until they were alone. “I'm sure he's seen worse working for Tony,” he murmured, but moved his hand lower and rubbed circles against the soft skin of her stomach with his thumb. “I won't do anything too crazy, darlin', I just need to touch you.” With a quiet sigh Y/N melted against him, which Bucky took as permission to continue enjoying the feel of her under his hand that had been wrapped up for the past several weeks. He was so caught up in her that he didn't realize they were back at the tower until the driver parked to let them out. 

“I want to be annoyed at you,” Y/N laughed as he tugged her inside, making a bee line for the elevators. “Fondling me like that in front of that guy.” 

“That was nothin', but if you want maybe next time we'll give him a real show.” He pulled her flush against his body. 

“My, my… Is that a roll of quarters in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?” With a playful growl in response he rocked his hips into hers. 

“I think you know what that is.” Bucky leaned down to kiss her when someone clearing their throat interrupted the moment. Y/N turned around, bright red to face the doorman.

“Oh! Hi, Stan!” 

“Miss. Y/N,” the old man had a knowing smile on his face. “I hate to intrude on you and Mr. Barnes but there's a young lady here to see you and she's been waiting for some time.” He gestured at a teenaged girl standing by the security desk. Y/N shook her head a few times in an attempt to clear the fog of arousal and place where she had seen the girl before. 

Hoping she didn't appear to be a flushed and flustered as she felt she walked over to the girl with Bucky following close behind. “Hello? What can I help you with?” The girl looked shy. 

“You probably don't remember me...” she began in a quiet voice, tucking her hair behind her ear. 

“I'm sorry-wait! You came to my discussion about women working in scientific fields a few weeks ago! Meghan?” The girl smiled.

“Yes, that's me. I wanted to thank you for taking the time to talk to us.”

“I was just happy to see you girls taking an interest in science. I wish we could have had some more time. I feel awful that I had to leave early.”

“That was kind of my fault.” Bucky said. 

“You don't need to apologize, I just wanted to show you something.” Meghan reached into her back and pulled out several envelopes. “These are college applications. All that stuff you said about it being okay if we didn't know exactly what we want to do made me feel so much better about everything. It was so overwhelming to be honest with you, and I was starting to doubt whether or not I actually wanted to still even go to college. I'm still not completely sure what career I want to pursue, but I applied to schools with really strong science programs so I can try out some different areas.” Y/N felt a lump of emotion in her throat. 

“Wow, I'm uh, a little speechless. I think it's so great that you decided to still go to school. I was kind of worried that no one took anything away from our discussion.” 

“We did get a little off topic I guess.” Meghan said with a grin. 

“We certainly did. Listen,” Y/N pulled a card and a pen out of her purse. “I'm going to write my personal email down for you. I'd love to hear where you decide to go to school.” Meghan took the card and gaped at Y/N in surprise. 

“Wow, I'll definitely let you know!” 

“And if you have any other questions, feel free to shoot me those too.” 

“Thank you so much.” Meghan hugged her. 

“No, thank you. Yikes that sounded so cheesy. But seriously, good luck with everything. I'm really happy that anything I said helped you out.” 

“You really did help me. I'm going to go mail these out, thank you again.” The girl smiled at Bucky. “It was nice meeting you, too.” He nodded at her and returned the smile. Y/N and he watched Meghan leave. She turned and buried her face in his chest. 

“You okay?” He asked gently and tipped her face up to his. Tears clung to her eyelashes. “Those are happy tears, right?” She laughed and nodded, wiping her eyes. 

“I thought that whole day was such a disaster. After I mentioned where I worked everything jumped the track and then having to leave early; _not_ your fault by the way, I felt like I failed those girls. I wanted to help them so badly.” Bucky kissed her forehead and wrapped his arms around her. 

“You definitely helped her, and I'm sure you helped the rest of them too. Just taking the time to sit down and talk to them, even if they did end up wanting to ask questions about the people you work with, was amazing. They still got to talk to a woman with a successful and fulfilling scientific career. You're proof that hard work pays off, and they're gonna remember you.” 

“Sorry I cried all over you.” She wiped her eyes again. “And thank you for saying that.” Bucky leaned down and kissed her lips softly.

“As long as you're crying because you're happy, a few tears won't hurt me. And you don't need to thank me for reminding you how great you are.” 

“I really love you. Like, a lot.” 

“That works out pretty good for me, Doll. I really love you a lot too.” They walked back over to the elevators and Bucky hit the button. “And now that we're alone again,” he pulled her inside the car when the doors slid open. “I'm gonna spend the rest of the day showing you exactly how much…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided against making the end of this smutty but I hope I still managed to show how into the reader Bucky is. I have plans for the next part to this series already brewing with some pretty steamy action ;)
> 
> Thanks for reading! -xo


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